Friday, February 3, 2012
Disappointment = character builder
I stepped up to the board and I pulled off a clean break with the right foot. It was the left foot's turn and the last thing between me and the belt. And it just didn't happen. I can't tell you exactly what went wrong (maybe I didn't pivot enough?)
Oh, the disappointment stung -- still does. I confess that I didn't want to write this post. I feel embarrassed when it comes to admitting failure. It was especially tough because three friends came out to cheer me on.
But I realized something tonight: although the failure hurt, it was not devastating. Then I realized something else: that's huge growth for me, character-wise. Disappointments don't bowl me over like they used to and for that, I am so thankful.
In the three years I've been studying Taekwondo, this is the second test I've failed. (I've passed 15 so far. Not bad.) I failed the first test in December 2010 when I was trying to move from blue belt to brown belt, the first level of advanced. I boo-hoo'ed inconsolably.
Maybe that first test fail took the edge off this second one. I dunno. But I do know that I overcame that first fail. When I finally got that brown belt, it felt so good. Likewise, I know it'll be doubly sweet when I finally get the first-degree black belt. I try again in a few months.
One of my sisters often says to me, "every disappointment is a blessing." I didn't always like hearing that but now I don't mind because it's so true.
I had a few friends and another sister praying for me tonight (I get so nervous when it comes to tests!) Their prayers weren't in vain. I felt the strength of them. I wasn't as nervous as I could have been and I thoroughly enjoyed the test, from demonstrating my pattern to the sparring (especially the sparring!) to the board breaks. I loved being with my Taekwondo family and cheering on fellow students.
It meant so much to me that I had the support of my three friends on this big night.
Yes, the first-degree black belt eluded me tonight. But it won't be for long.
Oh, are you wondering why there's a picture of a tasty loaf of bread in this post? My dear friend Sarah brought it to testing tonight as a surprise. It's made from scratch. (She even milled her own wheat.)
Call it my consolation prize. My night is already looking up :)